When a man betrays a women sexually – through pornography, affairs, strip clubs, emotional affairs and more – it leaves a lasting wound. If you have been hurt this way in a relationship with men, we want to offer support to you as you heal and rebuild your future.
There are many ways that we can offer support:
When the person you love is the source of your pain, the wound is deep. The trauma of betrayal leaves no part of your being untouched. All is turned upside down, inside out. We are so sorry that you have felt the magnitude of this earthquake called betrayal, and are left to deal with its extensive damages to you and your family. It would seem easier to hunker down and not move around for fear that the next jolt will hit.
We are responsible to do something with this terrible pain…not get stuck in it. You are missing out on God’s redemptive work if stay stuck in your pain, in your anger, in your darkness. Hear what God tells the Israelites in their fortieth year of wilderness: “You have stayed long enough at this mountain…break camp and advance…See, I have given you this land; Go in and take possession of this land…” Deut. 1:6-8 Yes, you have a right to pain and anger. Yet, we want something more for you; we want you to have victory in your own healing process!
We—women who have also been betrayed—want to help you through the dusty rubble and frightening aftershocks. Resources are already in place to help you with your first steps out of hopelessness and toward healing.
- You have the right to make choices. Restore attendees have articulated their rights in a Declaration of Worth. Here are just a few of their declarations:
I have a right to protect myself from being demeaned and devalued.
I have a right to be seen, heard, and respected.
I have a right to ask questions.
I have a right define and set healthy boundaries even if others don’t like it.
I have a right to be myself with or without him.
I have a right to take as long as it takes and do what it takes to heal.
I have a right to ask for help.
- Avoid isolating. Find a counselor or safe people with whom you can tell your story. An emotional support team can be vital to breaking camp and navigating your descent from the mountain of pain.
- Refuse advice to forgive and forget while you are still stumbling around in the rubble of the quake. Your time is better invested in embracing and grieving what has been lost in your relationship. Sorrow and anger are part of the process. God will guide you in an eventual process of forgiveness. Forgetting is never an expectation.
- Dare to consider the possibility that you will not always feel this bad. Triggers won’t be as powerful. Dare to hope that you can be whole again and can trust God and others.